Custody vs. Sole Custody
The best interest of the
children is co-parenting through joint custody!
Sole custody should be sought only when
one parent is abusive, mentally ill, alcoholic, or a danger to the
children or one’s self. Assuming these are not a problem, the
following statements about joint custody and sole custody arrangements
Joint Custody – Parents’ Advantages
Co-Parenting will allow input on major decisions from both
Co-Parenting will do away with artificial and "Disneyland"
types of parenting.
Co-Parenting will more evenly disperse the responsibility of raising
Co-Parenting will not make one parent feel that he/she has lost
one’s own children.
Co-Parenting will allow parents enough time to have parenting time,
not just visitation.
Co-Parenting will allow both parents to inquire about information
concerning the children.
Co-Parenting will allow for more flexibility on parenting times,
Co-Parenting will allow for flexibility on parenting times, while
having something to fall back on.
Joint Custody - Children’s Advantages
Co-Parenting will show the children that they have a home with both
Co-Parenting will reassure the children that both parents want
what’s best for them.
Co-Parenting will allow children to develop lasting, meaningful ties
with both parents.
Co-parenting will allow the children to learn from both parents all
that life has to offer.
Co-Parenting will allow children easier access to both parents, no
matter who they are with.
Co-Parenting will give the children the feeling that they are loved
and wanted by both parents
Co-Parenting will allow the children more flexibility when wanting to
spend time with a parent.
Co-Parenting will allow the children to ask for extra time without
feeling guilty of hurting the other.
Sole Custody - Parent’s Disadvantages
Gives one parent only a few parenting rights!
Gives one parent no parenting time only "visitation."
Gives one parent the feeling that one’s love doesn’t count.
Gives one parent the feeling that one has lost one’s children.
Gives one parent the feeling that they are not good enough to be a
Gives one parent, at most, eighteen percent of time to be with one’s
Gives one parent no meaningful parenting role to play in the
Gives one parent no rights to make decisions: medical, dental, school,
Sole Custody - Children’s Disadvantages
Children will not have easy access to the non-custodial parent.
Children will lose the non-custodial parent being actively
involved in their lives.
Children will have more of an uncle/aunt type relationship with
Children will feel guilty when they ask to spend more time with the
Children will be caught, more often, in the middle of disagreements
between their parents.
Children will have no extra time with the non-custodial parent
unless the custodial parent agrees.
Children, especially young ones, may not receive that crucial bond
with the non-custodial parent.
Children will feel a great loss because of the small amount of time
allowed for them to see their non-custodial parent.
Copyright 2000-2003 by
Family Mediation Center,